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Facing refusal, notably when it recurs often, is not a great feeling. An editor is saying no, delivering a clear “No.” Being an author, I am no stranger to rejection. I began pitching articles five decades ago, just after college graduation. Since then, I have had two novels turned down, along with article pitches and numerous short stories. During the recent 20 years, specializing in commentary, the refusals have grown more frequent. In a typical week, I get a setback frequently—adding up to more than 100 annually. In total, rejections throughout my life number in the thousands. At this point, I might as well have a PhD in rejection.

However, does this seem like a self-pitying tirade? Absolutely not. Since, at last, at 73 years old, I have embraced rejection.

In What Way Have I Managed It?

A bit of background: Now, just about everyone and others has said no. I’ve never tracked my win-lose ratio—that would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: lately, a newspaper editor turned down 20 articles consecutively before approving one. In 2016, no fewer than 50 editors declined my memoir proposal before a single one gave the green light. Subsequently, 25 literary agents passed on a book pitch. A particular editor suggested that I send potential guest essays less often.

The Steps of Rejection

Starting out, each denial stung. I felt attacked. It seemed like my work was being turned down, but myself.

Right after a submission was turned down, I would start the “seven stages of rejection”:

• Initially, disbelief. How could this happen? How could they be ignore my skill?
• Next, refusal to accept. Surely you’ve rejected the mistake? Perhaps it’s an administrative error.
• Third, dismissal. What do they know? Who appointed you to decide on my labours? They’re foolish and your publication is poor. I deny your no.
• After that, anger at the rejecters, then frustration with me. Why do I do this to myself? Could I be a glutton for punishment?
• Fifth, pleading (often mixed with optimism). What does it require you to recognise me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, sadness. I’m not talented. Worse, I’ll never be successful.

I experienced this for decades.

Great Examples

Of course, I was in good company. Accounts of creators whose books was originally declined are legion. The author of Moby-Dick. The creator of Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Almost every writer of repute was first rejected. Because they managed to overcome rejection, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his school team. Many American leaders over the recent history had earlier failed in campaigns. The actor-writer says that his movie pitch and bid to star were declined 1,500 times. “I take rejection as a wake-up call to wake me up and persevere, instead of giving up,” he remarked.

Acceptance

As time passed, upon arriving at my later years, I achieved the last step of setback. Understanding. Today, I more clearly see the multiple factors why someone says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have recently run a like work, or have something in progress, or just be thinking about a similar topic for another contributor.

Or, less promisingly, my pitch is of limited interest. Or the reader believes I don’t have the experience or reputation to be suitable. Perhaps isn’t in the business for the wares I am offering. Maybe was too distracted and reviewed my submission hastily to appreciate its value.

Feel free call it an epiphany. Everything can be rejected, and for numerous reasons, and there is virtually nothing you can do about it. Some reasons for denial are permanently beyond your control.

Within Control

Some aspects are your fault. Let’s face it, my ideas and work may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may lack relevance and appeal, or the idea I am struggling to articulate is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe something about my grammar, notably semicolons, was unacceptable.

The point is that, regardless of all my long career and rejection, I have succeeded in being recognized. I’ve authored multiple works—my first when I was 51, my second, a personal story, at older—and over a thousand pieces. Those pieces have featured in newspapers large and small, in local, national and global sources. My first op-ed appeared when I was 26—and I have now contributed to that publication for five decades.

Still, no major hits, no signings at major stores, no spots on popular shows, no Ted Talks, no book awards, no accolades, no Nobel, and no medal. But I can more easily accept no at my age, because my, humble accomplishments have cushioned the jolts of my many rejections. I can choose to be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Educational Setbacks

Denial can be helpful, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s trying to teach. If not, you will almost certainly just keep taking rejection incorrectly. What teachings have I acquired?

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